Nurture Your Heart

Pregnant with her first child, Jill could barely contain her excitement over the dreams and hopes she cherished for her unbo baby, whom she had already named Mara (she was so sure it was a girl). She practiced the lullabies she would sing as she nursed Mara close to her breast. She imagined how Mara's eyes would light up on Christmas moings. She dreamt of Mara's first day at school, her first date, and her college graduation. She even imagined how Mara might look in her wedding gown.

Suddenly, on a bleak November moing in the fourth month of her pregnancy, Jill miscarried. Like a sandcastle swept away in high tide, her precious dreams dissolved in an ocean of despair. It tued out that a normally harmless medication prescribed by Jill's doctor produced an allergic reaction, causing a miscarriage. Though Jill later gave birth to three healthy children, she never stopped grieving for her precious Mara.

Jill's anguish is incomprehensibel to those of us who have never lost a child. Equally incomprensible is the grief our heavenly Father must feel when the dreams He cherishes for His beloved children never reach fruiton. Considering the wealth of potential residing in each of us, His heart must agonize over gifts that are never developed, callings that are never embraced, and purpose that is never fulfilled.

People often say, "God has a purpose for your life." That's true. But it's also true that we have a vital part to play in whether or not that purpose is realized.

Just as newly conceived embryo needs the nurturing environment of her mother's womb to gestate and mature, divine purpose must also be nurtured in a healthy environment. That environment is your heart - often referred to in the Bible as your spirit. And the condition of your heart will have a powerful influence on whether or not you reach your divine potential.

The Bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Prov. 4:23)

Nowhere else does the Bible use the phase, "Above all else." Clearly, guarding your heart should be a top priority.

Your heart is the wellspring of life. Whether or not the wellspring issuing from your heart brings forth sweet waters or bitter depends entirely upon you. From your heart flows purpose or mediocrity, success or failure, joy or depression. Your heart will define your attitudes, beliefs, thoughts, and choices -- ultimately, they mould your destiny.

Heart Toxins

"You are what you eat" is not only a true maxim for physical health; it also applies to the heart. Regularly ingest "heart junk food", and every area of your life will suffer.

A caring expectant mother would never intentionally harm her unbo child by ingesting toxic substances or refusing a nutritious diet. But it's surprising how many people neglect caring for their hearts.

Just as physical toxins can damage an unbo child in his mother's womb, heart toxins will hinder your gifts, dreams and purpose from maturing to their divine potential.

Heart toxins come in many forms. Exteal sources may include books, TV programs, and Inteet sites promoting themes such as violence, sexual perversion, selfishness, and hatred.

A counselor friend told me about a client who came to him for help, overcome with guilt because of intense sexual desire for his two young daughters. During the session, this man admitted reading poographic materials, including those depicting sex between adults and children. He insisted there was no connection between his poographic reading habits and the lust he felt towards his daughters.

"There's nothing wrong with reading poography," he said. "It doesn't affect me. It can't hurt anyone." He felt terrible guilt and confusion about the lust he had for his daughters. But he refused to see the link between the junk he was feeding into his mind and his perverted emotions.

Most sex offenders are avid consumers of poography. This reflects a basic life principle: garbage in, garbage out.

Inteal heart toxins are equally damaging. These represent thoughts and emotions such as anger, bitteess, worry, hatred, pride, and impure lusts. If you dwell on these negative thoughts and emotions, your faith will weaken and you'll block the river of God's Spirit from flowing through your life.

Heart Nutrients

A responsible expectant mother is not merely conceed with avoiding nicotine, alcohol and carcinogens; she is also conscientious about getting proper nutrition. She drinks more milk. She eats more protein. She may take vitamins or other supplements.

Likewise, we must invest the time to lea about the nutrients that will benefit our hearts. Following are three potent "heart vitamins" that will nurture your heart, build your faith, and empower you to embrace your purpose.

Prayer

Spending time each day in God's presence will nourish your heart and inspire you with fresh vision.

Recently I went hiking with my sister and a friend in the mountains of British Columbia. The trail started at the creek bed of the Sinclair Canyon; then wound up, and up, and up. We were amazed at how different the mountains, valleys and canyon looked from different vantage points on the way up the trail. From the vantage point at the highest point of the trail, the canyon walls that had seemed so huge and overpowering from the creek bed now seemed small and insignificant.

Prayer takes you to the high vantage point of viewing life from the perspective of God's greatness, rather than viewing it from the perspective of personal limitations and obstacles. Instead of looking up at your problems and feeling as though they are huge and insurmountable, you see them from the perspective of God's power and majesty.

As you spend time in God's presence and focus on him, your heart will be nourished with peace, grace and power - providing a fertile environment for your dreams to thrive.

Positive Thinking

Another key to nourishing your heart is to discipline your thought life. Our thoughts and emotions are inextricably linked. Next time you are feeling depressed or angry, check your thought life. What thoughts were going through your mind when you began to feel depressed?

The Bible says, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." (Prov. 23:7) In other words, the person you become will reflect your thought life.

We must train our minds in much the same way that a soldier trains for military action. Like any soldier, you must be committed, disciplined and consistent. Disciplining your mind not only means immediately and aggressively rejecting negative thoughts the moment they come to mind; but also habitually training your mind to focus on positive, godly thoughts.

The Bible provides practical advice for our minds. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." (Phil. 5:8)

Creative Activities

Finally, nurture your heart with creative activities and hobbies. Ask yourself, "What stirs creativity, vision and inspiration in me?"

For me, spending time in nature refuels my creativity and nourishes my heart. Besides reminding me of the awesome majesty of my Creator, nature calms my spirit, renews my faith and inspires fresh vision. Playing the piano and writing are other activities that nourish my creativity.

If you love nature, schedule time on a regular basis to enjoy your favorite outdoor haunts. If you love art, visit art museums. If you love music, attend concerts. If you love flowers, plant the most extravagant one in the neighborhood. If you have always wanted to try painting, take a course. Who cares if you never sell a painting? That's not the point. The point is to cultivate and express the creative nature that God placed in you.

Find at least one creative hobby and make it a part of your schedule. Never say that you don't have time. You'll be a better person and you'll have more to give to others if you take time to nurture your own heart.

Never forget: All of life flows your heart. Your heart is the very seat of your dreams and the womb of your divine destiny. In light of that, I suggest you make a "healthy heart' your number one priority.

Judy Rushfeldt is an author, speaker, and online magazine publisher (http://www.LifeToolsforWomen.com) whose passion is to help women reach their dreams. Her latest book, Making Your Dreams Your Destiny - a woman's guide to awakening your passions and fulfilling your purpose, is available in quality bookstores in Canada and in the United States. You can read more about this book and order online at: http://www.MakingYourDreams.com

The Luck of the Devils

And ye, in any wise keep yourselves from the accursed thing, lest ye make yourselves accursed ... Joshua 6:18.

On a hazy night in '46 Satan met with his unholy tribe; Now listen, you devils, he said with glee, The entire world is about to transcribe. They've invented a box they call TV; Its shape is square, it has pictures and sound. They practically kneel to its image; Those fools think it's really profound!

Can you imagine what this means to us? Why, we'll hardly need to lift our forks! They don't know how slick we are - Those dolts believe we're a bunch of dorks! I can hardly believe this stroke of luck. We'll load the Board of Directables; We'll convince the world that evil is good And have them think we're respectables.

Dear me, Satan purred, I can hardly wait To twist and tu and rationalize; National Enquirer will have to fold - We'll steal the rights to sensationalize! There's one big fly in my appointment, though - Some folks are saying I started this! How can they accuse me of such a deed? I've always treasoned with a wily kiss.

Only the foolish would be so blatant; Why, I even cringe at some of the trash; Surely we don't need to throw it so hard... We want them to fall, but not with a crash. At first we'll stress the family virtues: Honesty, faith, and all that stuff; We'll give them new minds and hearts and goals All pumped and primed with a lot of fluff.

And then we'll start undressing the angels; Stress that nudity is artistic fare. We'll make those goodies feel out of place. Good heavens (or hell!), why be so square! So do your worst, you little devils - Make sure there's a box in every home. We can't let slip this glorious chance To write their names in our swelling tome!

Secrets Exposed

Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 13, 2003

I've been friends with "Jenny" for three years after my husband and I started a business with her husband. When her husband decided he didn't want to come to work anymore, we pretty much took his name off the business, and they stopped calling and coming over.

We would call, but they'd never answer or retu our calls. Through another friend we leaed they split up. I had some information about Jenny's husband I thought she needed to know, so I met with her. I told Jenny her husband cheated enough for an entire football team.

Jenny told me she never called because her husband said we didn't pay him an even share of the business profits. Even though we didn't have to, we showed her proof we paid him right. After all that we became friends again. We hung out every other day and talked on the phone every moing.

Jenny even found a guy to like her and her two kids. She seemed really happy and believe me, if you knew her, a piece of chocolate would make her happier than she ever was in her marriage. The only thing is, she dumped the new guy. Then suddenly she stopped calling and coming over.

Yesterday I went to her house and her ex was there. I tued around and left. I'm pretty sure the only reason she wants to be with him is because he is the father of her kids, but she is willing to give up her friendship with me for him. I know what you're thinking, same as my husband, she never really was my friend if she would do this.

I wrote her a letter in hopes of getting my friend back, but I'm not sure it will do any good. What else, if anything, should I do?

Tara

Tara, what your husband said is not quite right. It isn't that Jenny never was your friend; it's that you can't root for both teams in a basketball game. Jenny was faced with two competing realities. Either her husband is a good person worthy of respect, or her husband is untrustworthy.

While Jenny was with you she could cast her marriage in one light, but once she went back to him, she had to recast her marriage in a different light. She couldn't hold both pictures in her mind at the same time.

Your experience is a familiar one. Often when a couple breaks up, a friend of one of them will share in all the secrets of the marriage. If the couple gets back together, that friend will be left out in the cold because they know too much. That is what happened to you.

While Jenny's husband is in her life, she will not be your friend.

Wayne & Tamara

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Star Struck

I am dating the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and I love her more than anything in the world. Obviously there is a problem, or I wouldn't be writing. My girlfriend is extremely jealous, especially of celebrities. She wouldn't talk to me for three days after she asked if I thought actress Eliza Dushku was attractive, and I said yes.

I never look at other women, and she seems only to be jealous of celebrities who are way out of my league. Not too many movie stars hang out in my small town in Ohio. What should I do?

Dean

Dean, this could be something you can lea to live with, as long as you don't move to Hollywood. But we never suggest a person alter or change their actions for the sake of another's irrational jealousy.

If you change yourself for her, she will not respect you. She may be attractive enough to get any man to jump through hoops for her, but the man she settles down with will probably be a man who doesn't.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

No Problem

Thanks to Walt Disney's "The Lion King", children the world over know the Swahili expression "Hakuna Matata". It means "No Problem" and we grown-ups should use it more often.

I used to come home and my wife would say, "We have a crisis!" I would immediately think that our daughter was in a hospital, the car broke down, or her mother was coming to stay with us. But it was usually just that the washing machine was broken, or she couldn't get a babysitter for our movie date.

It is easy to tu a minor disruption into a major disaster. Don't do it! It lowers the energy of everyone involved and makes you want to run away. Instead, take the energy you are wasting on worrying and complaining about the "ifs", "buts" and "shoulds" - and direct it toward finding the solution.

Problem-solving requires awareness and becoming aware of the problem is often enough to solve it. To sharpen your awareness, take a look at the problem from three different perspectives:

1. Accept that the problem is really just a FACT, or set of facts.

Situation: You parked in a no-parking zone and your car was just towed.

You may be furious about it, but the fact remains that the car was towed. If you detach yourself momentarily from your feelings, and look strictly at the facts, it will be easier to put things into perspective. Just imagine that someone else's car was towed. Would you feel the same about it? Probably not! You would probably think, "Well that's what happens when you park in a tow-away zone."

So, act as if the problem belonged to your neighbor and not yourself...

Now, there are no more problems - only facts!

2. Be willing to see your problem as a CHALLENGE.

What's more fun: dealing with a problem, or facing a new challenge?

Situation: You've just had another fight with someone close. Arguing is not going to achieve anything.

You can treat the situation (or the person) as a problem, or you can choose to see it as a challenge: "How can I create a harmonious, understanding relationship with that person?" Instead of looking backward into the past ("How many times I've tried, and still it doesn't work"), you look forward to the future ("Let's see how I can make a difference").

The heaviness of the situation is gone, and excitement takes over...

Now, there are no more problems - only challenges!

3. Recognize the problem as an OPPORTUNITY.

In reality, every obstacle is a chance to lea something new and grow: "The obstacle is the path."

Situation: Your boss just gave you two weeks notice. You're shocked, angry, worried, feeling insecure.

You can see it as a problem ("What am I going to do now?" "Where will I ea money?" "I'm too old to change"), or you can see the possibilities open to you that were not there before: "Now I finally can take the around-the-world tour I always dreamed about", "Now it's time to open my own business", "Here's my chance to find a better job".

Contemplate many of the opportunities you've had in your life; probably many opened up when you were in trouble...

Now, there are no more problems - only opportunities!

The key element in this problem-solving process is the conscious act of taking personal responsibility.

Reshaping problems into facts, challenges and opportunities will allow you to accept that you are in charge of your "problem".

You can no longer play the "blame game" because the problem is no longer something that was forced upon you from an outside source (other people, circumstances, etc...)

You are no longer a powerless victim!

If it's affecting your life, you must have something to do with it; therefore you can do something about it.

Often, you don't even have to take action in the physical sense. Simply changing your point of view may be sufficient for the problem to disappear on its own.

The closer you are to an issue, the harder it can be to be creative about it. So try taking a step back from your situation and invite others who are not close to it to brainstorm solutions with you.

Ask yourself these questions:

• What are the facts?

• What are the challenges?

• What opportunities are presented?

• How will a solution make my life better than it was before?

• What is it that I have to lea in order to deal with the situation differently?

Remember that NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE.

When people tell me that something is impossible, I ask them, "How can you do it anyway?"

That simple question has the power to transform lives.

Imagine what would have happened if people like the Wright Brothers, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, J.F.K. and Gandhi used the word "impossible"? Where would humanity be today?

We all tend to look at some problems as impossible to solve or beyond our power. "It's impossible to talk to my mother, she just won't listen!"

But if you ask yourself instead, "How can I talk to her?" then, suddenly, ideas emerge (i.e. take her for a quiet lunch, include a third person in the conversation, write her a letter).

Changing your language changes your outlook.

Really, most "impossible" things are just "difficult" and can be achieved with some effort and a new "no problem" attitude."

About The Author

Nisandeh Neta, author of the best-seller book Jump-Start Your Life: http://www.jump-start-your-life.com.

When you are ready to live a life of purpose, passion, happiness, freedom, and success - download one of his free books at: http://www.inspiration2go.com

info@inspiration2go.com

On Stand by

Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 28, 2003

My wife of 35 years has fallen in love again with her old college boyfriend. I am 61, and she is 58. We have three grown children. Her boyfriend is 59, married, with two grown children.

They had not communicated since college. A year ago they met at a class reunion. Since then, they have constantly talked on the phone. I know about their communication because my wife told me. However, last December my wife became secretive.

One night I heard her saying "I love you" to him. When I confronted my wife, she admitted she loved him but she still loves me, too. She said she's not going to leave me and break up the family. She begged me not to leave or stop loving her.

As a compromise we agreed he can call her once in awhile if he has important news about their classmates. She would not call him, as I reiterated to her that would be a violation of trust. However, a month later I overheard them talking. Again she begged me not to give up on her.

I talked to my wife's boyfriend, and he assured me he's not trying to break up our family. He can wait until she is free, meaning if I die. If that happens, then they can pursue their dreams together. If not, then it's not meant to be.

I love my wife and trust her with anything but her long distance love affair. He lives halfway across the country. They haven't had physical involvement yet, but despite its absence, I am deeply hurt. Shall I leave her, give up on her, or wait and see?

Harry

Harry, your wife has shattered your world and your relationship with her. Even if she stays, you will wonder about her reasons.

She didn't wake up the day of the reunion a different person. She was already at a point where there was room for this to occur. When your wife talks to her boyfriend, you are not there. She and her unrestrained feelings are there.

Relationships can become a habit, like putting your hat in the same place each time you come home. That does not reflect some deep emotion. It's just a habit. Habits can mask many feelings, the lack of feeling, or the longing for something else. That is why you may not feel you saw this coming, because she was maintaining most of her habits as your wife.

Love is like a race. We all want to finish first. You cannot be forced into second place and feel good about yourself. The longer you are passive, the worse you will feel because you will be letting two other people decide what your life will be.

You must decide how much contact, if any, you can accept. You must decide if certain boundaries are crossed, what you will do. You must decide for yourself what is acceptable for you, or if a boundary has already been crossed from which there is no retu.

Tamara

Simple Answers

I have been seeing this fellow for the past year. He says he has a love for me and feels comfortable with me.

He mentioned when he is around me he thinks of someone dear to his heart. I asked, "Who?" He said, "My mother." I asked, "Is that why you can't have sex with me, because you see your mother?" He said, "Yes." Where does that leave me?

Zora

Zora, more than a century ago William James talked about the psychologist's fallacy. What he meant was that people are inclined to view everything as some sort of psychological problem to be solved.

Things are often a lot simpler than that. He loves you like he loves his mother. You want someone who loves and desires you as a wife. Where does that leave you? In need of a cold shower.

Wayne

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.