Three Ideas For Inspirational Leaders
Too many people these days are suffering from varying degrees of misfortune. Today I have clients, friends, and family members who are struggling with major crises in their lives, or in the case of those who own a business, in their enterprises. Even in our own home, my wife and I find that things are not as prosperous as they once were (or will be again). When you are not experiencing an easy life yourself, how do you inspire a person in crisis? What can you, the aspiring or accomplished inspirational leader, say to help?
Times are tough these days, and experts say things are going to get worse before they get better. But one of the most important things to bear in mind is that, eventually, things will get better. Nothing lasts forever; the easy times didn't, and neither will the tough times. And that's equally true whether you're dealing with the vagaries of an assaulted economy, or the pain of a personal problem such as a relationship in crisis.
If your journey along the road of inspirational leadership places you in a position to help a person in crisis, here are three ideas to consider as you reach out (or respond).
First, start with the right attitude, and that means adopting two simple (but sometimes hard to enact) philosophies: unconditional positive regard for the person you're coaching, and a front-of-mind awareness that it's about them, not you. Your unconditional positive regard means that you're on the other person's side - if they're in conflict with someone else (a boss, a spouse, whoever), you don't have to join in when the other person starts blaming and accusing, but you do have to make it clear that you're there to help them (and you might want to gently steer the conversation in a more productive direction). And don't turn the talk toward your own problems. Occasional self-disclosure about similar problems you've faced (and especially how you coped with them) are essential to demonstrating empathy... but get the focus back on the other person as soon as possible.
Second, ask questions. Try to monitor yourself - for every statement you give, make sure you're asking at least two questions (more would be better). This ensures that the focus stays on the person you're helping... but it accomplishes much more than that. If the questions are good (open-ended, provocative without being aggressive, brief, and bold), they'll force the other person to think through his or her own problem. And remember this: the more difficult the problem, the more impossible it is for anyone else to solve. You are not there to solve the problem, but to serve as a kind of "tour guide" to the best solution, which is always inside the person with the problem.
Finally, emphasize hope and encouragement in the messages you leave with the other person. Make it real, practical, and conditional upon the actions the person must take... but make it upbeat. Remind your client that they were not created to be miserable, but joyful... not to be defeated, but to be victorious... not to be hopeless, but to be a bright beacon of hope for others. "It's going to be hard," you might say, "and it could take months or years of focus and work... but at the end, you will have a happier life than you can now imagine." To make sure you can carry this inspiring message across, remind yourself - convince yourself - that it's the real and honest truth.
There are no magic solutions to the tough crises people face these days, and if you wrap yourself up in trying to be the solution for someone else, you'll both suffer a further setback. Don't do it. Just be helpful. Serious, but helpful. Even a little progress can be very inspiring for both of you.
By Michael D. Hume, M.S.
Three Ideas For Inspirational Leaders
Too many people these days are suffering from varying degrees of misfortune. Today I have clients, friends, and family members who are struggling with major crises in their lives, or in the case of those who own a business, in their enterprises. Even in our own home, my wife and I find that things are not as prosperous as they once were (or will be again). When you are not experiencing an easy life yourself, how do you inspire a person in crisis? What can you, the aspiring or accomplished inspirational leader, say to help?
Times are tough these days, and experts say things are going to get worse before they get better. But one of the most important things to bear in mind is that, eventually, things will get better. Nothing lasts forever; the easy times didn't, and neither will the tough times. And that's equally true whether you're dealing with the vagaries of an assaulted economy, or the pain of a personal problem such as a relationship in crisis.
If your journey along the road of inspirational leadership places you in a position to help a person in crisis, here are three ideas to consider as you reach out (or respond).
First, start with the right attitude, and that means adopting two simple (but sometimes hard to enact) philosophies: unconditional positive regard for the person you're coaching, and a front-of-mind awareness that it's about them, not you. Your unconditional positive regard means that you're on the other person's side - if they're in conflict with someone else (a boss, a spouse, whoever), you don't have to join in when the other person starts blaming and accusing, but you do have to make it clear that you're there to help them (and you might want to gently steer the conversation in a more productive direction). And don't turn the talk toward your own problems. Occasional self-disclosure about similar problems you've faced (and especially how you coped with them) are essential to demonstrating empathy... but get the focus back on the other person as soon as possible.
Second, ask questions. Try to monitor yourself - for every statement you give, make sure you're asking at least two questions (more would be better). This ensures that the focus stays on the person you're helping... but it accomplishes much more than that. If the questions are good (open-ended, provocative without being aggressive, brief, and bold), they'll force the other person to think through his or her own problem. And remember this: the more difficult the problem, the more impossible it is for anyone else to solve. You are not there to solve the problem, but to serve as a kind of "tour guide" to the best solution, which is always inside the person with the problem.
Finally, emphasize hope and encouragement in the messages you leave with the other person. Make it real, practical, and conditional upon the actions the person must take... but make it upbeat. Remind your client that they were not created to be miserable, but joyful... not to be defeated, but to be victorious... not to be hopeless, but to be a bright beacon of hope for others. "It's going to be hard," you might say, "and it could take months or years of focus and work... but at the end, you will have a happier life than you can now imagine." To make sure you can carry this inspiring message across, remind yourself - convince yourself - that it's the real and honest truth.
There are no magic solutions to the tough crises people face these days, and if you wrap yourself up in trying to be the solution for someone else, you'll both suffer a further setback. Don't do it. Just be helpful. Serious, but helpful. Even a little progress can be very inspiring for both of you.
By Michael D. Hume, M.S.
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