What is the problem

What is the problem You have the opportunity now. This is his perspective and sense of empowerment.You may receive the title of this article as a shaming statement that says that there is something wrong with you, well, shame on you. Therefore, you should feel bad about yourself.Or, may feel empowered by this title, because he knows that the ability to make your life as you are in his hands. You are the source of all the options you have in a place of discomfort, pain or misery. They also have the choice that led to joy, enlightenment and serenity. You have the ability to make things better for you to do a better choices.I received many questions this week from people who really want to improve their lives. One of the main themes was (my summary), "How do I change my companion, my friend, my parents, or my world to love me well, do what you want, or what which is good for them? "The applications go out of pain and disastisfaction and situations that require change. However, all these problems mean that the resolution has been reached with other people when change.This is the same problem with married couples therapy. We almost always have to go through several sessions of "buck", before descending to business. E ', "he said and he said" ad nauseum. You say that must change, and he says that should change.But finally started to break a key question: "If your partner does not change what you do, as a way of thinking and taking care of yourself from now on? "" And how do you do with justice, faiess, respect, self-containment, and the belief in a sense of direction, regardless of their partners, is trying to change it again? "A fear now is that if you take good care of yourself, then your partner can not leave. This product may be through silence, hostility, finding another person, whether natural or wholly abandoned. The good news is that this rarely happens in a severe form. Usually your partner will try to ingenious ways to cheat back in the old behavior. And it comes in many times.If let actually happens then we have a much bigger problem is his relationship and simple "self-help" will not solve the problem. Professional advice is required.Another fear is that you do not know what is good self-care, and you make a mistake, creating unnecessary problems pain.If and this is true for you, then educate people about it. And then, trust your sense of what is respectful treatment of others and enjoy the same. It is not really that complicated. (And, finally, feeling guilty about self-care sabotages all this time and time again. I think they are "selfish", instead of practicing self-care. I do not try to cover today. Will the entire article another sense. Let me say that this argument against the self-care is not too good). The good news is, even if I can help a person in a couple of start choosing this point of view of choice and self empowerment, and the couple is usually done in a positive way. Then move on to stage two of couples therapy, we can work more problems.This may work for you. You are the problem. Not that the other people. The first accepted their responsibility to treat that, whatever the other person before you can have the opportunity for the other person really changing.You to become responsible for yourself, not for your partner. Reaching decision-how to behave, not like the others. He came to perceive as an option for ... Or it can be seen as a sign of things you can not do. The choice is up to you ... But I want you to know something. And I think in all my experience to help you.After many, many others to grow in this way, truly believes in his ability to change for the better of you. I think he has the strength, courage and belief that this can happen to you. Why, if it is the problem, are also solution.Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family   Therapist who shares secrets and tips from real-life relationship   More than 20 years of practice. Married 27 years to Pam,   his partner in life and profession, who has personally   meet the peaks and valleys of the more experienced.   Acquire the knowledge and wisdom to their relations in